Some Weeks Are Tougher Than Others

Sometimes I really want to write about what’s going on in my head, but the internal voices and noises are too overwhelming. Too triggering. Too distracting. Voices of anger, resentment, hopelessness. What can I do when these other voices and memories pile up in my head, occluding my mental vision, preventing me from putting pen to paper (or “keyboard to document”)?

Not sure if there are any drugs or alternative psychiatric treatments that can address this. To help quiet the voices, help me focus on JUST one memory… but more importantly, to make me less emotionally sensitive, overall. Maybe lower my natural Empathy levels. Make me stop feeling or caring so much (or at all) about being reconnected with the rest of the Human race in any meaningful form.

Escitalopram: Side effects, dosage, uses, and more
What did people do before medical science and mood-altering therapies? Oh, right… they didn’t have TIME to be depressed… what with all the wars and daily trials and tribulations of survival. Good times, good times…

Reconnecting seems to be a dead-end for me anyway. Even without the COVID19 pandemic lockdown, I was largely “disconnected”, and not due to lack of trying to connect. However, statistically speaking not everyone was meant to “make it” in this life. And by “make it” I mean “be a acknowledged and mutually beneficial part of a community, the Homo Sapiens way”.

No matter what we do or say, no matter how well we try to live our lives, no matter how decent we live, no matter how much positive messages we try to spread, statistically, some of us are simply destined to live unremarkable lives, mostly as lonely hermits, eventually dying alone, and subsequently forgotten within days. Evidently I’m one of those individuals… Just like countless other random, unremarkable individuals throughout human history.

if I had my way, this video would be played at every school classroom across the world, at least once a semester.

Not everyone can be “normal” or “fit in”, that’s just a statistical fact. Numbers don’t care about our feelings, and the universe never promised Fairness. Obviously.

I don’t have to like the facts, but it is better to acknowledge and deal with the Harsh Reality of Mismatched Expectations and being Misled to Failures, than to wallow in the False Hopes and Dreams of an alternate timeline.

I’d just like some “substances” or procedures to help me get there, and STAY there with a smile on my face.