This is a poem I wrote in January 2000. Clearly I was “going through some stuff”, haha. Enjoy.
The Darkness, the Nightmares I embrace
Black night, cold wind, my solace
I'm in Crimson Pain…
It warms me, echoes in the emptiness
Within that which must be put to rest
What a terrible shame…
Laughter like agonizing screams ring
Tear my inner ear apart, raw and bleeding
I Reject The Name…
Ironic comedy never quells the Hell within
Drives me to insanity oblivious of feeling
The Nightmare is my dame…
I reject the name…
What a terrible shame…
I'm in crimson pain…
Your NIGHTMARE… is my gain.
I realized something today: I haven’t “wished death” upon anyone in a LONG TIME.
No, my #COVIDIOT twitter rants don’t count, that’s just wishful thinking. I’m not actually being truly serious or personal in those rants, because I don’t know any anti-maskers personally, they are just some unseen pack of morons that very rarely enjoy visibility in my everyday life.
Anyway, my point is I’ve not SINCERELY wished Death on anyone in a very long time. I think I made that conscious decision after my initial self-analysis soon after my 2018 divorce. I realized I don’t wish death upon my ex-wife, as many unsupported men would do in that circumstance and under that type of emotional load. I realized both she and our short-lived union were merely symptoms of a larger problem. A problem so existentially large for me, it requires my full attention, as well as a separate blog post. So in my heart, I did wish her well, and I hoped she found the happiness that eluded her during our time together.
With that realization, I did some deeper meditation and sincere self-examination. I considered the current state of MY reality and anxiety points:
Devastatingly obvious symptoms of Climate Change
Global Overpopulation and Needless Poverty
Global rise of Far-Right Movements and Nationalism
My beloved USA sliding into a Dictatorship, buttressed by Christian Nationalists
General erosion of inter-gender relations and the Nuclear Family Unit
Massive wealth gaps, and Wage-Slavery
Lack of comprehensive basic healthcare
Mass-incarceration, a by-product of…
Never-ending Institutionalized Racism
and most importantly:
A never-ending CoronaVirus global pandemic, triggering…
Massive layoffs (including myself) and unemployment, and also forcing a…
Near-Global Travel ban against the USA, and directly increasing my…
Crushing Loneliness and Deep Depression
All this stuff made me think: Do I really wish straight-up Death upon my enemies and transgressors? No. At this point, the sweet oblivion of Death would be a gift, a Sweet release from choices and consequences. A gift reserved for myself.
I wish for all my enemies and transgressors to live forever.
I recently watched a YouTube video titled “Weakest Armies in the World”, on the Be Amazed channel (the video is embedded at the bottom of this article). While exchanging some normal inane banter with fellow Internet Randos, and thinking about the recent events involving Privileged White Women, I put two and two together… I imagined what would happen if ALL the “Karens” in society somehow banded together and formed an army!
Think about it, taking into consideration everything you know so far about these women. The Karen Army would be tiny YET far more dangerous – and shrill 😅 – than those discussed in this video. Incidentally, they’d also save money on hair care, since they could all use the same stylist.
But back to cool military shit. The Karen Army would be the only military force that has no vehicles and carries no guns, just fully-charged mobile phones with a strong signal. They don’t NEED guns, because the Karen Army is the only military that can – with a single fake-frantic phone call – bring the entire might of the US Army – the greatest and most powerful military in all of human history! – to bear on some hapless country. Usually an African country full of black people quietly minding their own business, because those are easy targets, you know how Karens do 😂
But seriously though 😐 This hypothetical Karen Army would merely be a logical extension of their real-world incarnations, so let’s call them what they are: Unarmed Terrorists, Killing By Proxy.
Here’s the original video that inspired my Deep Thoughts. Enjoy!
So there’s this man Dean Schneider, AKA “Dean the Animal Lover”, who has a YouTube video where he snuck up on a pet lion from behind and startled it! The fun part is just the first 20 seconds. I watched the entire 3-minute video, which explains WHY that sneaking and pouncing behavior is normal for Lions. That was totally educational for me, since I’ve always assumed that THAT particular behavior was instinctive hunting practice, and would not be welcome from members of another species.
Which is why, I thought that the interaction between Leo and Dean went more like this:
Dean:“Hey folks check it out, I’mma creep up on Leo and scare him while he’s drinking. Watch this.” 😉
[Leo drinks peacefully] [Dean creeps up behind Leo and attempts to tickle his flank ] [ Leo IS STARTLED ]
Leo:“WHAT THE FUU..!!” 😨👊🏾
Dean:“It’s just me! Hah hah you shoulda seen your face, it was priceless!” 😂
Leo:“Dean? WTF are you doing, man? You came outta nowhere, scared the living F#@# outta me! Why???” 🤬
Dean:“Aaahhhh just messing with you, man! Chill!” 😀
Leo:“Chill?? Good god, Dean… you’re SOOO dumb. I mean we cool and all – Whole Foods or in the Serengeti, I got your back 24/7 – but don’t you know I’m literally a Lion, bro? Do you SEE this body, these long claws n’ teeth, and my supple, rippling, powerful cat muscles (#nohomo)?” 😎
Dean:“I know, I know… my bad, bro…” 🙂
Leo:“Just sayin’. My deep-seated wild animal Instincts can kick in ANYTIME, bro! And I don’t wanna accidentally react and rip your throat off with one swipe!” 😜
Dean:“OK that was a tad graphic and awfully-specific, but it’s aight, fine, I got you. No more pranks.” 😐
Leo:“Oh, pranks are fine… Just not on ME. Hey wanna hear about the fake email I sent that naive pretty-boy Cecilwhile he’s on vacation in Zimbabwe? I told him that an American ✌🏾veterinarian✌🏾 Doctor named Walter Palmer is going to give him a “wellness check visit” on July 25, 2015. Nothing can go wrong, can it?” 😂
Back in the late-90s I worked in a fairly big (at the time) Semiconductor company in Silicon Valley. Our receptionist was a lovely sweet young woman, with quite a brain in her head… doing this temporary receptionist gig to pay most of her tuition as she studied to be a chemical engineer.
I don’t even remember her name, but let’s call her “Tiffany”. Close enough.
Once in a while, Tiffany and I would rap about sci-fi, make science jokes, and talk politics (back when talking Politics in the workplace was not like throwing yourself into a VietCong minefield). This blonde-ish white girl was the only one in the office who could stand toe-to-toe with my level of nerdiness. Even her boyfriend wasn’t AS nerdy as she was, surprisingly. She would often write VBA scripts to automate the crappy tedious spreadsheets that some of her superiors sent her for reporting.
My point is, this 26-year old nerdy blonde woman was SHARP. A real unicorn.
Not only was she sharp “upstairs”, she was also a sharp dresser, with her slender self. She had made comments about how she really wanted an internship at that company, along with a couple of side-comments about how her having “no breasts” – she was NOT flat, just small – that no one (besides me) really regarded her as anything but a receptionist. She felt she had to do SOMETHING to… raise her profile, I guess? I took that to mean that she was gonna take her receptionist skills to the Next Level, or apply for one of our internal higher-profile jobs. She definitely didn’t lack confidence, and of course as an office buddy I encouraged her to maximize her potential. I was all like, “You go, girl… get that money!”
Oh how naive I was, in my 20s.
As the months went by I noticed her attire became more and more revealing. Not too much at first, but see… when she started out at the company, she was wearing very sharp pant-suits and a hint of makeup (which she didn’t really need, being already Conventionally Attractive By European Standards™).
By the 6th month in she almost looked like she was going clubbing after work. She had very little cleavage, but she did everything possible to make sure people could SEE she DID have breasts under there! This one time, I am pretty sure I saw some side-boob. I wondered if her boyfriend noticed, or even cared how she dressed, but I didn’t ask.
Well, of course she started getting more and more attention from walk-in clients and the dudes in the office. Of course, the older women started making comments about her (“the temp”). Heck, even I had to ask her about the clothing change. I missed my office lunchtime nerdy buddy because because she started going to lunch with the managers more than with me. I once saw her grabbing her purse to run and join her manager… the excited look on her face, the manager staring at her ass the whole time, and I was crestfallen.
I missed my ol’ lunch pal, but I figured maybe she, like many Conventionally Attractive women who are ashamed of their natural intelligence and nerd-cred, wasn’t entirely comfortable with hanging out with nerds.
After a while, she was gone from the front desk.
I thought she’d gotten laid off or reassigned, but later I heard from someone in Human Resources that one of the executives had HIRED HER as a part-time Executive Assistant, and given her an internship at the company working with other junior chemical-lab folks in a different part of town.
This message is directed mostly at men. Be sure to learn to cook, clean, self-pleasure, and generally take care of yourself, because being too dependent on anyone – especially your girlfriend or even spouse – is usually a bad idea.
I’m not saying that people in a committed relationship should not be a team, but individuals should think about the future and plan for those time periods when their partner is unavailable – or non-existent.
Speaking specifically to cis-gendered hetero males: Being self-sufficient might make you unattractive to the average American-black woman… and that’s OK. Remember: you need to be able to take care of yourself, regardless. Anyone who feels “useless” because you’re not depending on them for basic necessities like cooking, cleaning, ironing, or sex, is not the right partner for you anyway.
Be unapologetically self-sufficient. That’s part of being an adult.
Basically this administration is saying, “Your vote won’t matter, we won’t count it, and we’ll keep our Orange Cult Leader in the White House. Who’s gonna stop us? Nobody. So you might as well f*ck off and enjoy your upcoming dictatorship.”
Shame doesn’t work. Confrontation doesn’t work. Impeachment doesn’t work. The Democrats are still impotently bound by Rule of Law, so the current political system has been ineffective in stopping or even slowing the nakedly immoral and unconstitutional actions of this White House. The military has been quiet, meaning they are mostly OK with the situation… and even those who ARE alarmed by the spectre of a fascist state, are still bound by Article 88, severely limiting their Free Speech and public rhetoric. Obviously, no other country is inclined to intervene, middle-east style, to ensure a free and fair 2020 Presidential Election in the USA. Even if Wakanda was real, they’d not dare encroach on another nation’s sovereignty.
There’s literally no one to save us.
History tells us that those in power almost NEVER willingly give it up. The Extreme Right – including Religious Nationalists and Evangelicals, AKA Fake Christians – know that their time in human history is drawing to a close, so with the help of their dirty Republican acolytes, they are doing EVERYTHING possible – including illegal things – to try and stay in power.
It looks like the 2020 Presidential election – if we have one – shall be decided by the Supreme Court, or the blood of many American Citizens. Probably both.
It’s quite saddening, especially for immigrants who have always seen the USA as “the shining light atop the hill”. I ask you, dear reader, to call upon your Basic Human Empathy, and imagine this:
You escape a highly corrupt quasi-dictatorship, fascist country, awash in lawlessness and religious terrorism. You make it to the USA legally, you work really hard, obey all the laws, and finally become a US Citizen, ready to participate in Civics at all levels…
…only to be presented with the very same consequence-free corruption, rampant voter disenfranchisement, human-rights abuses, and high-level blatant criminality from which we fled. Blatant criminality for which we usually disparage and mock developing nations, AKA “shit hole countries“.
The 2020 Presidential Election – if we’ll even be able to call it that – just might mark the end of Democracy in the USA as we’ve historically known it. And without major intervention from within – or even from without – there’s not a damn thing we can do to stop this slow boil to a dictatorship. Not a THING
It is really demoralizing, folks, I’m not gonna lie.
Ever wonder why the Internet is full of porn, more is added daily, and yet their web traffic increases pretty steadily and consistently? Ever wonder why this particular industry – both legitimate pornography and random stripper/whore videos on Instagram – defies traditional Economic Models of Supply and Demand?
Due to an inherited defect in the human brain, “sex sells”. This means that no matter how many painted whores upload their retarded whore videos, the traffic remains constant.
It’s a “recession-proof” industry, albeit one that is accessible to only a particular demographic, within a particular time frame of their otherwise empty existence.
To wit: The American-Black Whore industry is actually a big part of the National GDP. Unfortunately, ZERO politicians and ZERO financial analysts bring up this fact when talking. They acting as if porn and whoring don’t exist.
I wonder how – or IF – mainstream media might overcome this stigma in the next century or so.
I’ve been reading this amazing graphic novel called Fables, the winner of 14 Eisner Awards and is one of the most enduring Vertigo titles ever. Over the course of 150 issues (and multiple spin-off books), “Fables” envisions a world where magical creatures and characters from myths and fairy tales are real. Red Riding Hood, Aladdin, trolls, Three Blind Mice, Mowgli, Santa Clause, whatever fable or fairy tale character you can remember… all real and existing in an extra-dimensional realm only reachable by certain portals.
According to the lore, Long ago, a particularly ambitious and wicked Fable known as “The Adversary” grew greedy, and thus invaded and conquered most of the other Fable kingdoms, meeting with some resistance. In the aftermath of this great war – around 1663 by all estimates – the Fable Resistance was forced to escape The Homelands and now live in the human world, in a place called FableTown within New York City. The borough is partially concealed by powerful enchantments, complete with a mayor, governance, and strict rules that ensured all information about Fables stays hidden from the “mundies”. They call us “Mundies”, short for “mundane”, meaning “regular people”.
This uneasy truce between FableTown and The Homelands lasts for many hundreds of years, although not without some hiccups and “Cold War” -style conflicts and quasi-diplomatic machinations along the way.
Eventually, back in The Homelands, the “The Adversary” reminds everyone that the rebellious and ‘treasonous” FableTown-folk MUST be brought back into the fold, or die, clearing the way for people of The Homelands to expand into the Mundy realm. Him, his acolytes, and other kingdoms’ leaders devise a plan to take revenge on the escaped Fables, wipe out us mundies, and conquer our planet for themselves.
Their plan involves a phased approach: First a global Pestilence so that we suffer for some years, then a cleansing plague of Fire, followed quickly by a plague of Icy Winter, and lastly a plague of Famine. The physical invasion is supposed to be basically a cakewalk to mop up human survivors.
The Adversary’s top advisers and spies – under the influence of powerful “loyalty and honesty” enchantments, discourage this plan, warning them about the inevitable human response to the invasion. They warn that the human-passing Fables of FableTown will definitely help Mundies find the source of the attacks, and will assist us in stopping the plagues and mounting a successful counterattack. The Homelands are still stuck – by design – in medieval-style life, the Adversary refusing to allow modern technology to proliferate. And while Fable magic can be powerful, it’s no match for human ingenuity, especially when it comes to waging war on a united front (mundies love their weapons of violence). The advisers and spies caution that the combined military forces of the entire human world – FINALLY globally united in the subjugation or destruction of a common enemy – shall be too much for the evil Fables, who shall quickly crumble, ceding their extra-dimensional lands to the might of the counter-attacking Mundies.
Hearing and understanding this dire warning, The Adversary puts the attack plan on hold, in order to re-strategize.
This particular story-arc got me thinking, what if Fables were real? What if the planned attacks started this year (2020)? And what if we assume, for shits and giggles, that the COVID19 pandemic is a small part of Phase 1 – the plague of Pestilence?
Here in the Real World, albeit an alternate reality, here’s how I imagine it’d go:
Plague of Pestilence begins.
Human countries spend the following months pointing fingers at one another, accusing the other of causing the plague.
A representative of FableTown requests an audience with the White House, claiming to know the source of the plague. The White House dismisses the request, and all rumors about the existence of Fables, as “fake news”, despite all the irrefutable evidence.
MAGAs and Trump Cultists continue calling the Pestilence a “Liberal hoax”, or “Chinese plague”, sending death threats to CDC staff, and remotely harassing WHO officials.
Much of the general population, even though functional, show symptoms of Pestilence.
Global death toll exceeds 170,000
President Trump shuts down the CDC, pulls the USA out of WHO and NATO.
Religious people continue to congregate in “churches”, while their “leaders” continue blaming the pestilence on “loose women”, abortions, gays, blacks, and Jews.
FableTown reaches out to other world leaders, but without global consensus and resources, no one nation is able to set up proper biological defenses against the Pestilence.
Global death toll exceeds 450,000
Even as everyone’s friends and families die off, right-wingers continue to ignore all Pandemic and Health Expert recommendations, yet continue blaming President Obama and – for some inexplicable reason – Hillary Clinton’s emails.
The FableTown witches prepare – with great effort and energy – vials of magical healing elixir. They send these vials along with instructions on synthesizing more, to multiple medical facilities, but the packages are dismissed as “pranks”, and discarded.
Global death toll exceeds 1,100,000, mostly in the USA, which is now declared a primary hotspot.
Citing “voting irregularities” and “national emergency”, the US Government suspends all state and national elections, causing an immediate breakdown in the civil political system.
All US military personnel abroad are recalled, even as troop desertions and defections spike by 1,500%.
Almost all countries close their borders to the USA. Mexican border patrol is ordered to shoot any American refugees on-sight.
Having given up trying to talk sense into humans, the good Fables use magic to relocate FableTown to a completely different dimension, permanently sealing the portal behind them.
Global death toll exceeds 2,620,000, with about 70% being in the USA alone.
With the local USA population decimated, self-appointed armed militia – you can guess the demographic makeup – roam the streets, attacking and even murdering anyone they deem “useless”, “threatening” or “in possession of much-needed resources”.
Negro, LGBTQ+, and other “minority” communities band together, using THEIR OWN guns to defend themselves and strike back.
A long-brewing 2nd (and final) Civil War breaks out in the USA. It lasts a mere 21 days, petering off as combatants on both sides die by Pestilence in greater numbers than by weapons.
Global death toll tops 5,980,000, with about 91% being in the USA alone.
Most African nations and some southeast Asian nations devolve into civil war, and soon after, barbarism.
Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, Mark Zuckerberg, Larry Ellison, and a handful of other really rich, selfish assholes attempt to escape to the moon or their underground bunkers, but they inadvertently take the infection there. Without enough medical infrastructure, they and their families and staff die horribly, despite having billions of (now-worthless) “US Dollars” – really just bits and bytes – in their bank accounts.
Everyone in the White House is infected by the Pestilence and dies within 3 days.
Global death toll estimated at 4,350,000 but even such estimates are no longer reliable, as international news is sporadic, due to damaged communication infrastructure, country isolationism, and dramatically increased censorship.
Outside the USA, a semi-working vaccine is finalized and widely distributed to the masses for free.
Death rates quickly stabilize and even dip in some areas, including the USA.
Babies are being born seemingly immune to the Pestilence.
Cautiously optimistic Diplomacy resumes between a (newly-enlightened) United States and other countries.
Global death toll stabilizes, as the vaccine and treatments proliferate and Shared Immunity is realized.
The human race feels a collective sense of hope.
Plague of Fire begins.
North Korea, a shadow of its former self, says, “Fuck it, our time is up anyway” and launches nuclear missiles at multiple neighbors AND the USA.
That’s all the excuse Russia and the USA needed to do the same.
Amidst the inevitable confusion, OTHER countries follow suite.
With defensive systems glitchy or non-functional, all major cities around the world are engulfed in nuclear fire.
Basically if this fictional phased attack occurred in the real world, Earth would be fatally irradiated and rendered essentially lifeless before the Fables’ second phase even started, LMAO!