Deceived, discarded, tribeless, and virtually "homeless". Fatally jaded, now agnostic. This blog is for self-therapy. My time on Earth is up, but I'll be back (maybe). For now, find me on Twitter.
Microorganisms outnumber us, outweigh us, existed before us, and will be here LONG after we go extinct.
About 50% of our bodies are LITERALLY composed of non-human microbes, from fungi to viruses 
Microbes give zero shits about our emotions or politics. The more we try to wipe them out, the more they mutate and replicate. We draw our very BREATH only with THEIR permission.
Know your place, show some respect, and pray that microorganisms never gain sentience 
Well, clearly I was going through some stuff when I wrote this back in the day. The fact that I currently feel the same, but without the theism-based humor, is problematic. But hey… I got some Beavis and Butthead reference in there!
One day I died, I wanted to be “cool”
So I got a gun and blew my brains out
In fact I heard on the radio
That they found my gray matter down south
Anyway, so I died and went to heaven
I met God, but he was kind of busy
With all those prayers to answer, I knew
He could not afford to be lazy
So I left and went down, deep down
I met this red dude called Satan
He was pretty cool, when he got mad
He’d run his horns through a demon
So I talked to him and asked him why
He never answered any of my prayers
He said he did, but I never tried
Playing any of my records backwards
“Goddamn! What was I thinking!”
I just cursed out loud in despair
And Satan just laughed aloud and said
“Hey, who said life was fair?”
He flicked his tail at me and smiled
His teeth were as black as soot
“Can I go back and try again?” I asked
He said “You’re kidding, no way dude!”
“But I could offer you a deal,” he said
“To get you out of this blasted fix"
“Take this Uzi with you for one day,"
“And mow me down a few hundred chicks!”
“Cool!” I said with much delight
That was something I’d do anyway
So Satan let me go back up
And I woke up on the very same day
I listened to my heavy metal records
Backwards, and sure enough I heard
Satan telling me what we’d planned
To fulfill the secret we shared
So I got my Uzi and went outside
Mowed down a couple of stupid chicks
Who had just got out of their expensive car
Yeah, I counted at least five or six
“This is sorta cool,” I realized in glee
And I went to the beach for more
Blasted a bunch of them, lots of yelling
Screaming, blood, brains, and gore
But I left all the dudes alive, I mean
I happen to be a dude too, you see
But one of them was a freakin’ cop
And emptied HIS gun into me
“Shit!” I blew his goddamn brains out
All over his freakin’ big-booty slut
Then I shoved my barrel up her hole
And released one good random shot
“Fools, chick-loving fools!”
I staggered to the women’s locker room
Dropped a few grenades in there
And watch the explosions bloom
But my time was running out
I still had many more chicks to kill
So I went to the nearest high school prom
And turned it into a human grill
The cops came but I wasn’t running
I wanted to be “cool” once more
“FUCK ALL O’ Y’ALL!” I yelled
And blasted MY brains all over the floor
So I’d given myself some Death, again
And sure enough God was really mad
“Your going to Hell!” He said
But still, it was the best fun I ever had
I’d gotten over three hundred stupid chicks
And a few stupid horny male fools
So later I told my buddy Satan, and he smiled
“Yeah, (huh-huh, huh-huh), Death RULES.”
During this ongoing COVID19 pandemic, some popular “complaints” espoused by many anti-vaxxers – and, to a lesser extent, the legitimately vaccine-hesitant – are, “If the vaccinated can still get infected, then what’s the point of getting vaccinated?” or “I’m fully vaccinated, so why do I still need to wear masks?” or “First they said masks, then no masks, then masks again, then booster shots… The health experts keep changing the rules! Fuck ’em all, they’ve been lying to us!”
To be fair, the WHO, CDC and other medical professional groups and individuals have done a lackluster job of effectively communicating their reasons to the masses during these uncertain times. However I don’t blame the CDC, because they likely have unrealistically high expectations of the education level and rationality of the General Public. That has proven to be a terrible mistake, a mistake fatal for nearly 5 million now-dead victims (over 720,000 in the USA alone) of the SARS-COV-2 virus and all its strains.
This article is an attempt to give a “brief” explainer (and mini-rant), which I hope helps the vaccine-hesitant understand a bit more. Once one understands how this stuff works, the subsequent concerns should be easier to assuage.
So here goes.
They basically “supercharge” and “pre-trains” your immune system. As such, vaccinated vs. unvaccinated is like the difference between a trainer runner vs. a sedentary or light-exercise person: if both suddenly have a run a serious marathon, who will fare better?
This is a simple breakdown, just basic escalation and mitigation of risk by being vaccinated:
– IF you ARE exposed to the virus, your immune system can fight off mild exposures, without you even knowing it (“asymptomatic”).
– IF you DO get symptoms, they’ll likely be mild (“just walk it off”).
– IF you DO have major symptoms, you’ll likely just recover on your own, without being hospitalized (“completely manageable flu-like symptoms”).
– IF you ARE hospitalized, you’ll likely not need a ventilator or anything major
– Lastly, even IF you DO need a ventilator, you likely will NOT die from COVID19.
See that escalation? If vaccinated, each “step” is less and less likely.
In other words, it’s all about LEVELS OF RISK.
Analogy: car accidents happen daily, yet people STILL wear seatbelts. We don’t say, “Well people still have car accidents and get injured, so what’s the point of wearing a seatbelt?” No, we wear our seatbelts, knowing that they reduce risk and save lives.
If you’re vaccinated and happily asymptomatic, you STILL breathe out the virus, albeit at far lower levels than the unvaccinated. THAT is one reason that – vaccinated or not – we should still mask up when close to other people. At least until we achieve herd immunity.
Spreading the virus far and wide means giving the virus more opportunities to evolve and mutate into a more evil strain, making life difficult for EVERYONE. Again, we “mask up to slow down” this natural evolutionary process.
Yes, people CAN get infected, sick, hospitalized, or dead even after vaccination due to the sheer level of exposure to the virus, or – as is more often the case – a host of other pre-existing conditions, including age.
However, for vaccinated people the OVERALL RISK is EXTREMELY LOW – and that is why, IF and when Breakthrough Infections occur, news media covers it excitedly, because it is rare and abnormal. This is entirely by design. Think about it: News media doesn’t cover common events, they cover RARE and ABNORMAL events. News media will not bring attention to the tens of MILLIONS of people who have gotten vaccinated without any side effects, to protect themselves and others. Never forget, new media are naturally biased… and in this scenario it is not necessarily a bad thing. They are doing their jobs… that is, the ones reporting factual news, not opinions.
That is to say, part of the Scientific Method involves “Changing Conclusions and Recommendations Based on New, Better, or More Data”. I think THIS part – about change – is the part with which most people have difficulty. Especially – but not limited to – people who were raised with Religion.
This is an important subsection, so lemme go on a slight tangent-rant.
You see, most theist scripture, especially as interpreted by the most popular, charismatic, and biased religious leaders, deal in absolutes, unchanging “commandments”, and unquestioning “obedience” even if it means denying Reality itself. This mindset is incompatible with a world that, by natural design and sheer necessity, continuously changes. Therefore, many people around the world, especially the education-challenged, simply have a hard time understanding and accepting the fluid and self-correcting nature of Human Scientific Progress.
To wit: at the start of the pandemic, when this BRAND NEW VIRUS was isolated and identified, the CDC and other independent medical experts around the world issued guidance based on what they knew AT THE TIME. Later on, when more and better data came in, they analyzed it (again, independently), peer-reviewed it, and changed their recommendations to match the new knowledge.
We should expect that from our collective world’s scientists! They’re not trying to deceive or hurt anyone, this is just how science and technology advances, y’all!
Perhaps it’s because my broke-ass, tree-climbing, spear-chucking, AlterNative African self has “Privilege of a Basic Education Which Included Critical Thinking”, but I don’t understand why this concept – “New Information Breeds New Conclusions” – makes people so angry. Yet, these same people are perfectly fine with ingesting other foods, drugs, or other bullshit that are experimental or even recalled. For example, almost every year, “experts” flip-flop on the nutritional value of various food products… yet no one is issuing death threats to the food experts or distributors.
This issue of “following the science” and “trusting the experts” could be a huge topic all by itself, so I’ll stop here for now.
You see, temporarily unshackled from the chains of Capitalist bureaucracy and Excessive Regulations, the vaccine manufacturers took advantage of every time-saving tool they had, to develop and manufacture vaccines in a fraction of the normal time.
Even though I am being my natural self, I’ve been accused of using awkward “White People Language” or, in the case of other West African people, “Blowing grammar, to insult them” (HUH???)… so let me attempt to rephrase the above:
The vaccine labs and manufacturers were allowed to pursue life-saving solutions, with as much money as they needed, and WITHOUT most of the standard but non-essential regulations and “speed bumps”. They also used research that was already in progress, and data that already existed. That is to say, they did NOT have to start from scratch. They “stood on the shoulders of giants, to jump over the wall”.
These factors combined, made it possible to bring to market a highly effective, life-saving COVID19 vaccine in such a relatively short time.
Using the USA Defense Production Act to implement “Operation Warp Speed”, is one of the few things that the “45” administration did right!
This is worth repeating. No technology, treatment, cure, or system made by mankind can be “perfect”. It’s simply not possible in this reality or timeline! Despite our best collective and individual efforts, living creatures WILL get sick and even die… that is NATURE. No vaccine can prevent death! All they do is massively reduce risk! Anyone looking for perfection might wanna relocate to the MCU, DCEU, or Narnia 🙂
Anyway… hopefully this basic explainer helps someone out there… Oh who am I kidding, most likey no one will read this. Even if they do, this article probably won’t “sway” anyone who wasn’t already on-board with Following the Science for Sake Of Self-Preservation and Public Health… but, at least I got this of my chest.
Please feel free to forward this article to anyone and everyone.
Till next time, stay safe, and be kind to one another.
Since time immemorial, humans have been blaming “the other” for their personal, local, or even national problems.
This instinctive yet unfortunate Mindless Tribalism has been in force ever since Homo Sapiens and Homo Neanderthalis encountered one another… we have an idea how THAT turned out (hint: Sapiens be Psycho, yo)!
Take a walk from prehistory and onwards into the present… The Dark Ages, WW1, The Holocaust, Tutsi vs. Hutus, Japanese vs. Chinese, South Africans vs Nigerians, Republicans vs. Democrats, Catholics vs. Protestants, Sunni vs. Shia, Light Skin vs. Dark, even Male vs. Female… Us Homo Sapiens are extraordinarily good at separating, vilifying, and eventually WIPING OUT other demographics or even entire species, based on even the most superficial of differences.
…and it almost invariably starts with “Let’s Blame Them For All Our Problems”. Behold 👇
Despite what irrelevant or distracting “feel good” nonsense we allow media to shove into our brains, “modern” humans – as a collective – are still more barbaric than we think. This pervasive “Digital Culture”, for all its gloss and undeniable utility, reduces Human Empathy, capitalizes on Natural hominid Fear, and exacerbates Instinctive Xenophobia.
Be mindful, dear reader… acknowledge your flaws, recognize your tribal biases, exercise your Natural Human Empathy, be mindful, and be kind.
Yeah I came in “hot” with wishing death on these selfish motherfuckers. Ideally, they – the Willfully Unvaccinated – should be required to sign a waiver, saying that if they get sick from COVID19, they waive their right to be treated at ANY medical facility in the USA.
Instead, they refuse the vaccine based on Identity Politics, wilful ignorance, and religion bullshit (no surprise there). Then, they almost inevitably get sick, and overrun the very same hospitals that they claim to not trust. Now, people with LEGITIMATE reasons for seeking medical care, cannot get hospital beds.
In my honest opinion, the SARS-COV-2 virus works TOO SLOWLY. In an ideal world, an unvaccinated person would be fucking “gone” within 5 days: catch it, get sick, death within 5 days. That would be AWESOME. If that were the case, these pointless, distracting, attention-seeking, air-sucking “debates” would be over within a few months. We have FAR bigger problems to solve in this country.
However, I’m not a “hater” – I recognize that all lifeforms – including microorganisms – have the same evolutionary mandates we mammals do: survive, reproduce and spread. And they cannot those things if their hosts are immobile and expire in too short a time. Hence the long incubation period and lack of symptoms for a long-ass time – while it reproduces and MUTATES. In fact, malicious microorganisms LOVE asymptomatic hosts, because not only are they great “labs and nurseries” for new variants, but these hosts go about their daily lives, congregating, often maskless, intentionally spreading the virus far and wide BEFORE falling sick and being quarantined. What lucky microorganism would NOT love that???
Malicious microorganisms LOVE asymptomatic hosts
– Immunology, Health, and Disease Experts
The unvaccinated are a virus’ best friend!
But I want to end this short article on a POSITIVE note. Let’s give Thanks and Praise to the Unvaccinated! Why? Because they are a wonderful “petri dish” in Earth’s attempts at wiping out this scourge known as the Human Race. These anti-human, selfish, un-American screaming toddlers are doing Mother Gaia a huge favor.
As of this article, there is a “Mu” variant, which is being watched closely by health officials. I cannot wait for the GammaX Variant, which might straight-up mutate our still-living cells. One can dream, right? I mean, not let us get some cool superpowers before the inevitable Omega Variant shows up and Mother Gaia finally succeeds in wiping us out 👇🏾😂
I did a lot for my family. I did my best to be a Good Friend even when I wasn’t appreciated. I’ve proven myself as a solid boyfriend, reliable loyal husband, and very involved father. I am a Law-Abiding Citizen. I vote. I tried to get involved with local neighborhood affairs. I take care of my health and living environment. In general I do my best to be a good citizen of the world.
Through all this, I merely sought community and positive relationships with fellow humans.
And yet here I am, I’m abandoned and discarded, visible only to fraudsters, abusers, gold-diggers (just barely), bill collectors, and (eventually, probably) law enforcement.
Why?
Because I’m not tall, rich, super-handsome, charismatic, and connected?
Because I don’t know how to tell people the lies and half-truths they so desperately want to hear?
Because I have a reasonable vocabulary and don’t need to curse or use “black” slang 24/7?
Because I’m a humble, strategically-frugal negro who would rather have experiences, save or invest than splurge on flashy clothes or expensive restaurants?
Because I’m a West African expat who just happens to be nerdy, non-stereotypical, principled and sincere? A man who strived to Do The Right Thing, according to BOTH Christian AND Humanist doctrines?
Because when I heard “be a good person” from the church, my african “elders”, and mainstream media… I actually LISTENED and did my best to BE JUST THAT? Only to find out – over 20 years later – “SYKE! We only TALK about Doing The Right Thing, nigga! It’s all just Lip Service – nobody ACTUALLY thinks like that in practice! Only losers, simps, and beta males go around trying to follow Christ’s teachings or be Good People!”
This. Fucking. Sucks.
Think about all the unethical, assholes, fraudsters and criminals out there who are having far better social lives than me. Despite all their (often openly) anti-humanist ways, most of them have community! Be it genetic family, a romantic partner, or even regular friends to roll with… they at least have SOMEONE to talk to face-to-face. They seem to get what they want, because they often lack Empathy, and ignore their conscience. In fact, often times the WORSE and more SELFISH they are, the MORE they get what they want. And even those cut off from the outside world – convicts in LITERAL PRISON – still have some sort of “family” in there, or people who communicate with them from beyond the jail cells.
Yet here I am… having to PAY someone to talk to me. Here I am, in my secure, well-equipped Luxury Prison complete with basement and attic, still unemployed and having difficulty finding work, moving around like a zombie hour to hour, day to day. Here I am, isolated and ignored, unable to find any fellow human to join me for even a fucking Walk-n-Talk, let alone grab a beer or see a movie.
Here I am, losing my fucking mind.
I feel like a damn fool. Evolutionary Psychology always wins. I shoulda known, we cannot truly oppose Nature. Despite a life spent being optimistic and hopeful, Nice Guys really DO finish last – Evolutionary Psychology ALWAYS wins in the end.
I’m really angry about all this, and – assuming nothing changes – it looks like I’ll be carrying this generalized anger and resentment to the fucking grave.
Fine, no one lives forever anyway. I guess the question is… in my final hour, will I go out alone, quietly and shamefully… or will I Change Some Random Lives and Send A Message?
A friend in Latin America asked me to explain why the “red states” in America are bad. With my limited Spanish — often relying on Google Translate to fill in the gaps – I was unable to properly articulate it on-the-spot.
So I decided to write up a full response, with (hopefully) easily-digestible bullet points. Obviously these are broad strokes, since some of these “red states” have some town, communities, or individuals that do not fit the broader descriptions. However, as a collective, the “red states” in America are bad because:
They tend to be anti-science and anti-fact , specifically any fact that clashes with their pre-existing world view. They are pridefully ignorant, and extremely stubborn. Red states have the lowest levels of literacy in the country. They believe that the only “school education” necessary is the bare minimum needed to get a job and feed their families, meaning that Broad Education and General Intelligence are bad and destructive. They consider open minds, broad horizons – or changing their beliefs based on new information – quite upsetting, and a “weakness”. They are often avoidant of, or hateful towards, anyone who is highly educated or an academic expert in their field.
They are very tribal and xenophobic. Meaning, anybody who does not look like them, talk like them, and believe everything they believe… is automatically “The Other”, to be looked upon with suspicion, fear, or disgust. They view immigration and demographic diversity as a bad thing, detrimental to society. They would rather literally die, than share this country with “Them”. As a result, most people in “red states” are subconsciously or overly racist, especially against dark-skinned people.
Almost all domestic terrorists are White Supremacist, White Nationalist, or Neo-Nazis… the vast majority of whom reside in “red states”. They believe that the USA is for White Christian Males only, and everyone else should be second-class, stripped of their voting rights… in the case of Latinos, deported, and in the case of negros, exterminated or returned to slavery. Also, these people purchase and own a lot of firearms and ammunition, in hopes that they will someday be allowed to legally and openly murder anyone they deem not a “real American”. That it so say, they want another Civil War.
They are hyper-religious, but not in a “Jesus Loves Everyone” way. They are religious in a “Jesus Loves You But Only If You Are In Our Tribe” way. They often seek to hurt or disenfranchise people who are not part of their tribe, that is, anyone who is “different”. In the case of physical violence against “The Other”, “red state Christians” will claim “God” told them to do it. Most “red state Christians” share the same view as white domestic terrorists. People in “red states” have twisted Christianity into hatred and evil, without shame, and with the full support of many wealthy donors across America.
It also happens that these people ALSO elect and control politicians. The very same “public servants” who make decisions that affect the ENTIRE country.
Taking these awful characteristics into consideration, is it any wonder that the COVID19 Pandemic will continue raging across the entire for the foreseeable future? Even while other countries get their cases under control and return to semi-normalcy?
This “United” States is devolving into a classic Failed State.
Let me paint a (sordid) picture for you. We have daily mass shootings. Global terrorism. Sexual assaults both legitimate and imagined. Needless and baffling political divisions, the rise of reality-denying cults and neo-Nazis. Tribal conflicts based on language, creed, phenotypical expressions, and even choices of entertainment!
To any functional, cognitively sound adult who has some global awareness, NONE of this is news.
And yet we continue just talking about these things. We just talking and fucking tweeting about this shit! Mainstream media outlets – even the legitimate ones – are still beholden to corporate interests, so they continue spread misinformation and fear, not exploring solutions. Meanwhile, said corporate interests and their Pet Politicians sit back and profit off the Fear and Chaos.
The human race is busy treating symptoms when we SHOULD be attacking the disease. The disease is a suite of obsolete evolutionary instincts. Our world’s leading neuroscientists – backed by appropriate funding – should be researching and developing Cognitive Adjustments (or whatever they decide to call it). Basically we need to get to a point where we have the following drugs and treatments:
Adjust (“nerf”) the Fear Centers of adult humans indefinitely. This shall reduce xenophobia, which is the main cause of racism, while increasing the rates of cross-tribal cooperation. Cuz seriously, this destructive “in group, out group” bias has GOT. TO. GO.
Reduce the libido of pubescent humans, for about 7 years. This shall reduce or eliminate sex-crimes related, especially in college. Enough with the fraternity sex parties and rapes. Enough.
Shut down the libido of adult humans for about 12 hours – basically the length of a workday + commute time. This shall serve to reduce/eliminate workplace harassment. We do NOT need any more Employment Whatever Right lawyers making money off of lonely horny human coworkers who simply dared to attempt courtship or dating in an environment in which they spend 90% of their youthful and vital years.
Adjust the part of the brain that controls hunger and satiety. This shall reduce needless greed, and possibly cure eating disorders. This would also address OTHER forms of substance addiction and abuse! Not to mention, a boon for the clothing and fashion industry.
Predictably, some people will clap back with “We just need to teach people Empathy and Self-Control, and over time, attitudes will change for the better”. Well, how’s that been working out so far? IT HASN’T. It CANNOT. That’s the whole POINT.
Education (“changing attitudes”) takes hundreds of generations, and is prone to major setbacks like re-education. Here’s a very clear and topical example: as of the day this article was published, there is a concerted push in the USA by some fearful xenophobic racist motherfuckers to erase or ignore parts of history from the textbooks, or act like those events didn’t ripple into the current day! Can you BELIEVE these disingenuous shit-heads? Anyway.
Evolution is even slower, taking MILLIONS of years, and is of course based on Natural Selection. To wit: even today, look around you… you will see shitty, regressive people getting their choice of mates, making offspring, and passing their shitty attitudes on to the next generation along with their genetics. Their evolutionary instincts STILL guide their behavior, while more “civilized” progressive individuals might NEVER even meet a mate or procreate at all.
Meanwhile, modern human civilization and progressive attitudes – including aversion to war, condemnation of slavery, AND all the current “extreme woke” bullshit going on – has been around for JUST about 2,000 years. That’s like, a blink of an eye by societal development time scales.
No contest: We simply cannot rely on Education or Natural Selection to course-correct our species. The simple fact is, human societies have advanced far beyond our relatively underdeveloped brains’ ability to adapt.
First was the Cognitive Revolution, then came the Agricultural Revolution, the Industrial Revolution, and now some would say we are now in the Information Revolution. We have to at least TRY to jumpstart the next Sapiens revolution, else we risk stagnation and eventual self-destruction. We have to try SOMETHING, cuz right now – per the very first paragraph of this article – shit is kinda fucked, yo. Our evolutionary instincts continue to thwart our attempts to be a more civilized species.
We have to use our brains, to FIX our brains. It’s an interesting paradox.
Yes, I know that mammalian biology and human psychology are incredibly complex. Yes, the human brain is still one of science’s Greatest Mystery. Yes, I know that even if the technology existed to do so, the Powers That Be would never allow these “profitable problems” fixed. Yes, I know I am just smoking crack and fantasizing at this point 🤓
However, can you imagine what Future Humans will achieve, once they’ve conquered all these vestigial and obsolete evolutionary traits and instincts? Once they’ve broken free of these cerebral shackles holding the entire species back from true greatness?
Just imagine that amazing future, yo… just imagine.
In early June, I had quite the experience with Chase Bank. This article is simply the letter I sent them – both via email and via USPS to their P.O. Box. Clearly they are too cowardly and low-key don’t want to talk to their customers… they just want to hold our money and leech of it as much as possible, while giving the bare minimum of service.
Read to the end for a quick retrospective. Of course, all names have been redacted, for privacy and legal reasons.
Jul 8, 2021
Greetings Chase Bank,
I am one of your account holders, writing to describe my recent experiences at two separate JP Morgan branches around [city name redacted – call it “XJ”]. This letter gets a bit wordy, so kindly bear with me.
When I opened my business account some months ago, I was personally guided through it by [name redacted – call her “MH”] at the [branch name redacted – call it “GA”] branch. I showed up in my gym clothes (you’ll notice this pattern), she welcomed me professionally and had me sit in her office. She was very nice and pleasant, and she completely facilitated the opening of my account. I didn’t have to do anything with tellers or ATMs… “MH” went in and out, to and fro, got my signature where needed, and took care of everything for me. A few weeks later, I had a minor issue with the account… I emailed her directly, and she called me back with a resolution. Once again, she was nice, pleasant, polite, and highly personable (I cannot stress this enough). She made me feel VALUED, regardless of my account balance and my initial appearance when she first met me.
Fast forward to July 6th, 2021. I dropped by the “GA” Branch to purchase some Colombian Pesos for an upcoming trip. When I walked in, I was met with the staff hanging around. I asked to see “M”, and was told she doesn’t work there anymore. They asked what I needed, and I told them. Without even engaging fully with me and confirming my needs, the lead teller – later on I found out that his name is [name redacted – call him “NM”] – passively directed me to go do the foreign exchange at the airport.
I was slightly taken aback, since I’d imagine that banking staff SHOULD know that when it comes to Foreign Exchange, the most cost-effective approach has traditionally been to buy the ForEx at one’s own bank. I was also a bit put off by the indifference. However, I was en-route to an appointment, so I chose to not pursue the issue at that moment.
On my way back home, I went back to the “GA” branch and assertively told “NM” that I wanted to buy the Pesos at the branch, not at the airport where they have the worst rates and fees. After reminding me that it takes a few days to get the currency, he was glad to assist me execute the transaction. This time, he was attentive and professional. The next day, he called to let me know my order was ready for pickup. He said he’d be off the next day (July 8th), so I should ask for [name redacted – call her “KT”].
I came back to the “GA” Branch on July 8th to pick up my order, and I asked for “KT” the teller, just as instructed. I was quite jovial, if memory serves me! However, “KT” was NOT polite or pleasant. In fact, I got the distinct impression that I was bothering her. Undeterred, I presented her my Business Debit Card and the order receipt. She impolitely challenged me for my ID, which I had forgotten in the car. I offered to show her the copy on my phone, but she didn’t want that. However, a moment later she relented and brought my Pesos.
Ignoring the needless antagonism, I tried to follow up with questions about the Chase fees, but “KT” seemed rather irritated at my attempts to ask questions, and didn’t seem to understand. Nor did she even TRY to understand. I wanted to understand why I asked for a full $100 worth of Pesos but got charged $86.94 (and given back the change). However she sounded rather unhelpful and a bit defensive, as if she thought I was accusing her of something.
Since I am a non-confrontational person, I opted to disengage from “KT”, and asked the security/lobby person for whoever is “MH”‘s replacement. Turns out it was another “NM” – coincidentally they have same first name in the same branch – however he was busy with other customers. So I sat and waited. A few minutes later, the branch manager brought me into her office. Once again, the pleasantry was minimal-to-non-existent, and once again she couldn’t explain Chase’s Foreign Exchange process and the numbers therein. However, to her credit, she did get on the phone and try to put me in touch with someone “higher up” who could help me with these things over the phone. She was unsuccessful – I’d still have to go through the teller to get more info or buy more Pesos. I gave up on that line of inquiry, and instead requested she convert my stack of $20 bills to $100 bills. Once again she said I’d have to go to the teller (“KT”), or – since I no longer felt comfortable dealing with “KT” – I could come back the next day to see “NM”. OR, I could do it myself at the in-lobby ATM.
Frustrated and slightly baffled at this semi-unprofessional “hands-off” treatment, I opted to use the ATM. It took me a LONG while, and I had to MANUALLY request assistance, but I finally got my 20s turned into 100s.
“MH” would probably have not let me go through all this, spending so much time on simple transactions and basic questions. I severely miss the brand new banking relationship I was developing with “MH”. It seems no one can tell me why she left or where she went.
I left the “GA” branch without placing a 2nd ForEx order, I opened the Chase Bank app, looked up the [branch name redacted – call it “WN”] Branch, and drove there.
At the “WN” Branch, the person at the lobby welcomed me professionally. When I got to the teller – I forgot her name, but I think her name tag started with “Db” so let’s call her “Db” for now – I made my request. When “Db” entered the numbers into her screen, the results were vastly off-mark. She told me that for $205 I’d get 50,000COP. I gently tried to explain this massive discrepancy to her, but she got very defensive, and insisted that she’s done this many times, and “it is what it is”. She even showed me the screen, where I could see that something was OBVIOUSLY incorrect. “Db” was clearly not familiar with Foreign Exchange, and she was unwilling to admit that perhaps she didn’t have the necessary training after all. Twice, I had to gently insist on finding someone else. “Db” threw a bad attitude, then huffily transferred me to the other teller [name redacted – call her “SC”].
“SC” was far more personable. She entered my request and came back with a more reasonable amount (700,000COP). Even after “SC” visually showed “Db” where she’d gone wrong with the ForEx ordering software, “Db” never acknowledged her mistake nor offered any kind of apology for being borderline rude to me (the customer)! I was standing right there, with a half-smile on my face, half-waiting for acknowledgement that never came.
It does make one wonder how many other customers have ordered Foreign currency at “Db”s window, and gotten the incorrect amounts. Have people complained or sued for the discrepancies?
In any case, I paid for the order in cash. “SC” took a while counting my money, because the needlessly-complicated cash-counting machine jammed twice. In fact we discovered a crushed and tattered $100 bill inside (fortunately not mine). The staff unanimously acknowledged that those machines are trash, by the way… just side-note.
With “SC” help, I finished my order and left.
I find it necessary to point out that, throughout all these interactions at both branches, I never raised my voice, nor did I accuse anyone of anything… I kept a neutral/light tone, and most times a slight smile on my face – a practiced performance and demeanor rooted squarely in the fear of being treated as an undesirable stereotype based on my outward appearance and volume. I was in gym clothes – I’m fairly active so when I’m outside running errands, there’s generally a non-zero chance that I’m either coming back from, or going to, exercise. So, In light of the current socio-political climate, I hope I don’t need to wear a metaphorical mask, “pad” my account with zeros, or dress up in “business attire” whenever I visit Chase Bank, just so I can be treated with appropriate professionalism instead of being considered a random nuisance. I’ve held accounts with Chase for decades at a time… I’ve NEVER known Chase Bank to have bad customer service… till now!
By sending you this letter, I’m NOT trying to get anyone fired or “cancel culture” anyone (my fellow Liberals on Twitter have lost their collective minds). However I hope this helps you understand your “XJ”-area branches a bit more, the challenges that I and certainly other customers face, and perhaps help your PR and HR departments craft a retraining/rehiring methodology to course-correct and mitigate risks of such markedly unsatisfactory customer experiences. If you’re curious as to what I THINK the focus of retraining or course-correction should be, I’d suggest 3 major areas:
1. Foreign Exchange (General, Chase-specific, and the actual Software!)
2. Recognizing and Mitigating Subconscious Biases
3. Hospitality and Communication
You guys could also re-think those super-complicated, super-high-tech, “facade of job security” cash-counting machines. Maybe let Corporate know that they – the machines – might be more trouble and cost than they’re worth. Whatever happened to the simple old-timey hand-crank cash-counting boxes, backed up by a sane and sensible human re-counting and verifying by hand?
You’re probably wondering, “Well, what was the big deal about the ForEx stuff? What were you frustrated trying to find out?”
1. What’s the most cost-effective way for customers to buy foreign currency pre-travel?
2. Why couldn’t I buy the currency with a SPECIFIC dollar amount… why the $86.94 and $199.01?
3. What’s the Chase Bank fee for these transactions?
Since no one at the branches even TRIED to help me figure these things out (I miss “MH”!), I did my own analysis based on just the 2 purchases. My informed guesses are:
1. Buying at the bank is best, since they generally stick with global ForEx rates
2. JP Morgan Chase sells Foreign Currency in “tiers”, which seem to be round numbers. So for example I couldn’t get $100 worth of Pesos, because the closest “tier” is 300,000COP (for $86.94), while the 2nd transaction’s closest tier is 700,000COP (for $199.01)
3. With some basic math (see 3rd screenshot at the bottom of this letter), it looks like Chase Bank charges ~10% for the 300K tier, and ~8% for the 700K tier. Therefore, it’s more cost-effective for customers to order a higher tier of currency.
Do these answers sound about right? Please, validate my assumptions/findings, tweak or correct them so that I can be a more efficient Chase Bank customer moving forward.
That’s all I wanted to tell you. Since you made it this far, thank you for your attention to this. I eagerly await your response!
Sincerely,
[name and contact info redacted – call me AlterNative African]
PS: Perhaps adding the above “Foreign Exchange nitty gritty” information to the staff retraining can go a long way towards greater Customer Satisfaction. Another suggestion: as part of training, offer all customer-facing staff a 1-time-only company-paid overseas trip, so that they get more familiar with Foreign Currency Exchange and how it all works.
[receipt 1 redacted]
[receipt 2 redacted]
As of publishing this article, I’m yet to hear back from Chase Bank. No surprise there… I’m just a 99-percenter off the street. Chase Bank and other big banks literally DGAF about folks like us.
One final comment: The person who took care of me (“MH”) was middle-eastern. The other people with whom I interacted… the ones who were unprofessional to me and kinda sh!tty at their jobs… well guess what demographic they were! Go ahead, take a few guesses. I’ll wait 😒
Last week I had yet another setback. Another case of trust, passive deceit, and eventual disappointment. I seem to have a lot of these. This is problematic.
I’ve had a regular handyman (let’s call him “D”), whom I met in mid-2020 right smack dab during the pandemic. “D” does good work, and I’ve recommended him to several other people. Basically everything was fine – and sometimes even fun. I didn’t think I could enjoy working and chatting with an ex-con, ex-druggie white-guy handyman who also happens to have a nerdy streak – collectible baseball cards, stock market, sci-fi movies/shows, Marvel and DC stuff – so it was quite “different” for me, in a rather nice way.
A few days ago “D” came by to finish up a minor project in my house. When he was done with the work, we had our habitual 5 minutes of casual chat as he wound down.
During THIS particular conversation, however, he made some assertions that gave me pause. I asked follow-up questions, and…Well, it turns out he’s a solid QAnon follower and reality-denier 😔
Some of his deeply-held (and sometimes contradictory) beliefs include: we didn’t put a man on the moon, Tr**p was a great president and did nothing wrong, the January 6th insurrection was set up by the Democrats and AntiFa, the pandemic was/is a hoax, Biden/Harris administration is destroying the country, and so on.
I didn’t bother to dig deeper, because it was clear that he is one of those emotionally damaged, fully-entrenched reality-deniers – so my words and any appeals to the Scientific Method would be pointless. “You Cannot Reason People Out of Something They Were Not Reasoned Into“. I just kept quiet and played it cool for sake of my own sanity.
After that soul-crushing reveal, “D” left for the day, and I went back inside. I’m not gonna lie: I (a grown-ass man) was on the verge of tears. Tears of frustration and anger.
I’d let this person onto my property, into my house, into my bedrooms. I’d paid him money. Over time he’d endeared himself to me, and I thought I had a potential Friend… only to find out that he’s been cleverly concealing his reality-denying beliefs this whole time.
No matter how low I set my expectations, it seems “the hits keep on coming” in my life (this is a reality that I cannot deny). All this shit is why I have severe trust issues. I’m so fucking tired of being misled, deceived, flat out LIED to… or set up for abandonment.
Sometimes it feels like I’ve been the unwitting recipient of an ancient curse.
Fuck my life, man…
AlterNative African 